Monday Jokes

One day a man called the church office. He said, "Can I speak to the head
hog at the trough?"

The secretary thought she heard what he said, but said, "I'm sorry, who?"

The caller repeated, "Can I speak to the head hog at the trough?"

She said, "Well, if you mean the preacher, then you may refer to him as
'Pastor,' or 'Brother,' but I prefer that you not refer to him as the 'head
hog at the trough'!"

To this the man replied, "Well, I was planning on giving $100,000 to the
building fund...."

To this the secretary quickly responded "Hang on, I think the big fat pig
just walked in!"

Monday Jokes

Two men were grumbling over their problems. The first man said, "My
wife left me for a man who drives an ice cream truck."

His friend began to ask, "You mean..."

"Yeah," the first guy replied. "She left me for Mr. Softy."

Monday Jokes

Two men are approaching each other on the sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as they walk. As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points at his foot and says, "Vietnam, 1969." The other points behind him and says, "Dog shit, 20 feet back."

Monday Jokes

A group of bats, hanging at the ceiling of a cave, discovers a single bat STANDING upright underneath on the floor of the cave
Surprised by this unusual behavior, the group asked the standing bat: "What the heck are you doing down there?"
And the bat shouts back: "Yoga!"

Monday Jokes

Two old ladies were outside their nursing home having a smoke when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.
Lady 1: 'What's that?' Lady 2: 'A condom.'
Lady 1: 'Where'd you get it?'
Lady 2: 'You can get them at any drugstore.'
The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a package of condoms. The guy looks at her skin of strangely (she is, after all, in her 80s), but politely asks what brand she prefers. Doesn't matter, she replies, "As long as it fits a Camel." The pharmacist fainted.