Monday Jokes

A woman was shopping in a furniture store for a new mattress.
As she bent over to examine the tenth mattress she had
considered, she suddenly let out a horrendous fart.

"Excuse me," she said, embarrassed, to the clerk who was
helping her.

"Heck, I'm used to it, lady," he said. "When you see the price
on that one, your gonna shit!"

Monday Jokes

Dorothy and Edna two "senior" widows, are talking at the local coffee shop.

Dorothy: "That nice Joe asked me out for a date . . . I know that you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer."

Edna: "Well . . . I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7 P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brings me such beautiful flowers! Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there but a luxury car . . a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all.
Then he takes me out for dinner. . a marvelous dinner - lobster, champagne, dessert, and after-dinner drinks. Then we go see a show . . . let me tell you, Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure! So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL. Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me.... two times!"

Dorothy: "Goodness gracious! . . so you are telling me I shouldn't go
out with him?"

Edna: "No, no, no . I'm just saying, wear an old dress."

Monday Jokes

A brunette, a red head, and a blonde were having a very interesting
conversation and it got around to their daughters. The brunette said, "I
went in my daughter's room the other day and found a pack of cigarettes,
I didn't even know she smoked!" The red head said, "I went in my
daughter's room and found a half-empty bottle of vodka! I didn't even
know she drank!" Then the blonde burst out and said, "I went in my
daughter's room and found a pack of condoms, half-empty, I didn't even
know she had a penis!"

Monday Jokes

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THAT'S OUR FIRE EXTINGUISHER.

Monday Jokes

A blonde calls the Delta Airlines and asks, "can you tell me how long
it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York city"?

The agent replies, Just a minute . . .

"Thank you" the blonde says, and hangs up.