Monday Jokes

A young man went into a sex shop to buy some condoms, and a sales girl approached him.

Sales girl: Can I help you, Sir?

Young man: Yes, I want to buy some condoms.

Sales girl: What size do you need, Sir?

Young man: I didn't realize they came in different sizes. I don't know what size I would need.

Sales girl: May I hold your penis to tell what size you would need? As she was holding the penis, she called for assistance: "Give me a SMALL one... Wait! Make it MEDIUM...Wait! Make it LARGE... Shit! Give me a TISSUE !!!"

Monday Jokes

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her
hat on tight, so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman
approached her and said:

"Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that
your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"

"Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat."

"But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!" said the
gentleman in earnest.

The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir,
anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought
this hat yesterday!"

Si Putih shivering...

Been feeling Si Putih was shaking and vibrating alot lately. So, send him in for a checkup and this is the caused for his "shiverings"

This eventually came off like that.

Monday Jokes

One day, a blonde who lived on the 12th floor of a high-rise apartment
building was out on her balcony, flapping the bed sheets to air them out, when
suddenly a great gust of wind caught the sheets and sent her over the edge,
plummeting to her death.. "Oh, shit!" the woman thought, "what a stupid way to die."
Without warning, a man on the 10th floor balcony stuck his arms out into
the air, catching the woman. Delirious from shock, the woman shouted "Oh, thank
you! You saved my life, thank you!"
The man replied "Do you suck?" Stunned at this, the woman said "No, I
don't suck!"
And with that, the man let go of her in the air. "Shit!" the woman
thought as she began to plummet again. Suddenly, another set of man's arms grabbed her
on the 9th floor.
"Thank God!" she screamed. " I would have died except that!" The man
asked "Do you fuck?" Absolutely aghast at the question, the woman answered "No, I
don't fuck!"
Once again, the arms that held her safe were no longer there. Falling
again, the woman thought that she would surely die. Just then, a set of arms
stretched out from the 7th floor. Not believing her luck, the woman shouted "I suck! I
fuck!"
"Slut..." the man said....and dropped her.

Monday Jokes

Malay Poem:

Sajak ini dicipta oleh kartunis Ujang dan telah dideklemasikan di UKM pada
tahun 1992.

Atuk Merdeka

Cucuku,
Kau ingin menjadi apa bila dewasa nanti?

Atukku,
Aku ingin menjadi kayu.

Jika kau menjadi kayu,
Jadilah kayu golf,
Disebut kayu tetapi besi,
Diulit Dato', tauke dan menteri,
Jangan kau menjadi kayu tunggul.

Cucuku,
Kau ingin menjadi apa bila dewasa nanti?

Atukku,
Aku ingin menjadi pagar.

Jika kau menjadi pagar,
Jadilah pagar karan,
Dipicit suis power berjalan,
Dirempuh diusik, boleh pengsan,
Jangan kau jadi pagar makan padi.

Cucuku,
Kau ingin menjadi apa bila kau besar nanti?

Atukku,
Aku ingin menjadi mangkuk.

Jika kau menjadi mangkuk,
Jadilah mangkuk purba zaman batu,
Buruan ahli arkeologi setiap waktu,
Membawa bukti tamadun dan ilmu,
Jangan kau menjadi mangkuk hayun.

Cucuku,
Kau ingin menjadi apa bila kau dewasa nanti?

Atukku,
Aku ingin menjadi bintang.

Jika kau menjadi bintang,
Jadilah bintang di langit,
Tiada boleh ditukar wang ringgit,
Tidak boleh dijolok dikait,
Jangan kau menjadi bintang tiga.

Cucuku,
Kau ingin menjadi apa bila dewasa nanti?

Atukku,
Aku ingin menjadi seluar dalam.

Jika kau menjadi seluar dalam,
Jadilah seluar dalam Superman,
Sarung di luar nampak gentleman,
Tiada manusia memberi komen,
Jangan kau menjadi seluar dalam model playboy.

Cucuku,
Kau ingin menjadi apa bila dewasa nanti?

Atukku,
Aku ingin MERDEKA.

Jika kau ingin MERDEKA ,
Lupakan tentang perarakan di Dataran Merdeka,
Simpanlah budget kereta berhias dan pentas lintas hormat,
untuk membeli kayu,
untuk membeli pagar,
untuk membeli mangkuk,
untuk membeli bintang,
untuk membeli seluar dalam,
untuk membeli MERDEKA.

MERDEKA, MERDEKA, MERDEKA !!!