Malaysian Joke

Two old friends - a Chinaman and a Malay were having a conversation recently ...

Apek: Lu potong zaka ada bagut ka?
Ali: Manyak bagut. Bila lu potong haa lu punya barang manyak bersih loo...

Apek: ?!! err ... saya kawan ada cakap, potong zaka aaahh.... manyak ploblem..
Ali: Apa probrem ?

Apek: Manyak buang lui, lagi aahh ... dia punya performance tatak bagut... manyak cinang semputloh ..
Ali: Cehh... apek, lu apa celita... saya suda lama potong. tada apa problem... bini saya manyak puas woo...

Apek: Lu mini puas sama itu potong zaka ka?
Ali: Ya laa. Bila lu potong aahh... lagi sedap maen woo.. lu lagi lambat pancut..

Apek: ???!!! err... lu punya 1.3 atau 1.5??
Ali: ??!! woi apek cakap baik2 sikit ha .. saya punya 6 inci laa..

Apek: ??! Tiu nia ma... lu jgn maen2 haa... mana ada potong zaka 6 inci..
Ali: Cilaka apek ni...nah tengok (opens his trousers)

Apek: Chee sin punya olang.....gua tanya baik2 ... lu tunjuk lu punya lanchiau..
Ali: Abis... lu tarak percaya..saya tunjuk la..

Apek: Saya tatak tanya sama lu punya lanchiau... Saya tanya lu pasal itu nasional car... potong zaka.. molo punya olang..
Ali: Aiya... apek... lain kali lu sebut betul2 la....kasi susa saja.. Bukan potong zaka la..... proton saga........

Monday Jokes

The wife came home early to find her husband making love to a beautiful sexy young woman.

"You unfaithful, disrespectful jerk! What are you doing? How dare you do this to me the faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving this house and I want a divorce!"

The husband, replied, "Wait! Wait a minute! Before you leave, at least listen to what happened."

"It'll be the last thing I will hear from you so make it fast, you cheating creep."

"While driving home this young lady asked for a ride. I saw her so defenseless that I went ahead and allowed her into my car. I noticed she was very thin, not well dressed and dirty. She mentioned she had not eaten for three days.

Out of compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night that you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll gain more weight. When I served them to her, the poor young thing, practically inhaled them. Since she was dirty I asked her if she'd like to bathe. While she was showering, I noticed her clothes were worn-out and full of holes so I threw them away.

Since she needed clothes, I gave her the pair of jeans that you no longer wear because they're too tight on you, I also gave her the blouse that I gave you on our anniversary and you don’t wear because I don't have good taste. I gave her the pullover that my sister gave you for Christmas that you won't wear just to bother my sister and I also gave her the boots that you bought at the expensive boutique that you never wore again after you saw your co-worker wearing the same pair.

After she dressed, I walked the young woman to the door where she turned around and with tears of gratitude streaming down her cheeks, she asked me,

"Sir, do you have anything else your wife doesn't use?"

Here In my Heart, Always

Wherever you are tonight, girl
I'll see you in my dreams
Wherever I go tomorrow
You'll be here next to me
And though we are a world apart
I know you'll never be that far'
Cause Here in my heart, there's a picture of us
Together forever, unfaded and unbroken
Wherever you are, your love covers me
Forevermore, you'll be here in my heart
Whenever I miss, miss you so much
It's more than I can bear
No, I won't cry, I'll just close my eyes
And know you'll be there
Your kiss and your touch
I'll never forget'
Cause you're as close as my very next breath

Trust?

I've found a new love full of passion
Which has come to make me blind
When I found a special someone
In a love that's hard to find.

You've swept off my feet
From the very start
But before we go much further
Can I trust you with my heart?

With all this time we've had together
I've learned to trust you completely
Before I've asked anything from you
You've already given yourself to me.

You've combined fantasy with reality
Even though we're miles apart
But what I really need to know
Can I trust you with my heart?

Can I share my worries with you?
Can you handle my fears I bestow?
Can I count on you to walk with me
Down a long a winding road?

I don't want a promise
Of which there's no guarantee
Can I trust you with my heart,
Without you breaking it on me?

My heart's vowed never to fall in love again
But it's weakened & has come to surrender
To be held in your tender hands
And mended back together.

But I hope you can understand
That I don't want to go too far
Without knowing just one answer
. . . Can I trust you with my heart?

Monday Jokes

Jane was one of those UGLY women, so ugly it hurts, she never had a boyfriend. So she went to a psychic for help.

Honey! - said the psychic. You will not have luck in love in this life. But in the reincarnation, you will be a very desired woman and all men will fall at your feet.

Jane left very happy and so excited, as she went over a bridge she thought: "the sooner I die, the sooner my next life begins" She decided to jump off the bridge right away. But, incredibly Jane didn't die!

She fell on the back of a truck full of bananas; she lost her senses and fainted. As soon as she recovered, still drowsy and not being able to see very well, and not knowing where she was, she started touching her surroundings, feeling all the bananas she mumbled with a huge smile on her face: -

GENTLEMEN, PLEASE! - One at a time .....

Monday Jokes

An old man rocking on his porch sees a young kid and his fishing pole walking down the dirt road. "Where you goin' with that pole?" he calls. "Gonna git me some fish with this here fishing pole!" answers the kid. Sure enough, as the sun is setting the old man sees the kid going home with a bucket of fish.

Next day, old man rocking on his porch sees the kid walking down the dirt road with some duct tape. "Where you goin' with that?" he calls. "Gonna git me some ducks with this here tape!" answers the kid. "You can't git no ducks with tape!" hollers the old man. But sure enough, as the sun is setting the old man sees the kid going home with the tape strung out behind him and ducks stuck all over it!

Next day, old man rocking on his porch sees the kid walking down the dirt road with some chicken wire. "Where you going with that?" he calls. "Gonna get me some chickens with this wire!" answers the kid. "You can't get no chickens with wire!" hollers the old man. But sure enough, as the sun is setting the old man sees the kid going home with the wire strung out behind him and chickens stuck all through it!

Next day, old man rocking on his porch sees the kid walking down the dirt road with some pussy willows. "Now hold on just a minute" calls the old man, "wait while I get my hat!!"

Quote of the Day

"I am so dissapointed with your style of work"

sigh..

Monday Jokes

[Diary Of A Young Wife]

Monday:
Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home.It's fun to cook for Tim. Today I made an angel food cake and the recipe said, 'beat 12 eggs separately.' Well, I didn't have enough bowls to do that, so I had to borrow 12 bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned out fine though.

Tuesday:
We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, 'serve without dressing.' So I didn't dress. But Tim happened to bring a friend home for supper that night. They both looked so startled when I served them, I think it was the salad.

Wednesday:
I decided to serve rice and found a recipe which said, 'wash thoroughly before steaming the rice.' So I heated some water and took a bath before steaming the rice. Sounded kinda silly in the middle of the day. I can't say it improved the rice anyhow.

Thursday:
Tim asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe.It said, prepare ingredients,then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving.' I hunted all over the place for a garden and when I got one, I tossed my salad into the bed of lettuce and stood over there for over one hour so the dog would not take it. Tim came over and asked if I felt all right.I wonder why? He must be stressed at work, I'll try to be supportive.

Friday:
Today I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, 'put all ingredients in a bowl and beat it.' Beat it I did,to my mum's place. There must have been something wrong with the recipe, because when I came back home again, it looked the same as when I left it.

Saturday:
Tim went shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I'm sure I don't know how hens dress for Sunday. I never noticed back on the farm, but I found an old doll dress and it's little cute shoes. I thought the hen looked really cute. When Tim saw it, he started counting to ten. Either he was reallystressed because of his work, or he wanted the chicken to dance.

When I asked him what was wrong he started crying and shouting out 'why me? why me ?'

Hmmm....It must be his job.

Nicholas "From Now On" Concert

Last Saturday, had 2 complimentary tickets for the concert. Thanks to Warner Music Malaysia.



Reached there around 7.30pm....and the crowd is just simply ....Woah...
My FM cruisers are there too....doing their "live" broadcast there...
The REDBOX mobile karaoke is also there as part of the fun for the crowd. People get to sing in the mobile for free...how cool is that...

ok...this is inside the Putra Stadium. I'm seated at the 3rd last row. hahaha...luckily, by the side.
The sound system is ok...with 2 projectors on each side...well..the stage is also kinda low actually.
It's basically full....just look at the crowd.

Okla...overall the concert is good...but then...too much of those slow songs....i kinda fall asleep in the end of the concert....

However, KUDOS to Niholas for his first concert.