Monday, December 28, 2009
She answers, "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance and see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun perform oral sex on me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that:
1) you have to be single and
2) you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!" The nun says, "O.K., pull into the next alley." He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying his eyes out.
"My dear child, why are you crying?" "Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's o.k., my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween Party."
Sunday, December 20, 2009
The doctor looked at Johnny and said "Let's have the fingers, and I'll see what I can do."
John said , "I haven't got the fingers."
What do you mean, you haven't got the fingers? It's 2009. We've got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put them back on and made you like new. Why didn't you bring the fingers?"
John says, " How the hell was I supposed to pick them up!!!."
Monday, December 14, 2009
Seeing this he inquires, "Just out of curiosity, what the hell are you doing?"
"I'm listening to the music of the tree."
"You gotta be kiddin' me."
"No ,would you like to give it a try?"
"Well, OK..."So he wraps his arms around the tree and presses his ear up against the tree. With this the other guy slaps a set of hand cuffs on him, takes his wallet, jewelry, car keys, then strips him ass naked and leaves.
Two hours later another nature lover strolls by, sees this guy handcuffed to the tree, stark ass naked, and asked, "What the hell happened to you?"He tells the guy the whole story about how he got there. While he was telling his story, the other guy shakes his head in sympathy, walks around behind him, kisses him behind the ear and says...
"Ya know sweetheart, this just ain't your day."
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
When things in your life seem , almost too much to handle,
When 24 Hours in a day is not enough,
Remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.
A professor stood before his philosophy class And had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly, He picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar
and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.
He then asked the students, if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles rolled into the open Areas between the golf balls.
He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. ?The students laughed.
'Now,' said the professor, as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things - family, children, health, Friends, and Favorite passions –
Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, Your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car.
The sand is everything else --The small stuff.
'If you put the sand into the jar first,' He continued, there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.
If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, You will never have room for the things that are important to you.
So... Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play With your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.
There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.
Take care of the golf balls first --
The things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.
The professor smiled.
'I'm glad you asked'.
It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.'
Sunday, December 6, 2009
The bus driver said: "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."
In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus.
The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.
"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.
The man sympathized and said
"Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."
"You're right," she said.
"I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."
"That's a good idea," the man said.
"Here, let me hold your monkey."
Monday, November 30, 2009
He pulls over to the side of the road, picks out a nice juicy looking pumpkin, cuts the appropriate size hole in it, and begins to screw the pumpkin.
After a while he is really into it, and doesn't notice the police car pulling up. The cop walks over and says, "Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?"
The man looks at the cop in complete horror, thinks fast and says, "A pumpkin? Is it midnight already?"
Monday, November 23, 2009
Second doctor says, "Well you can tell me I have a lot of doctors confiding in me, maybe I can help."
"Well for years and years now I have been having sex with my patients every chance I got and I just have to get it off my chest."
"That is not too strange a lot of doctors I know have sex with their patients, However, I will admit not many of them are vets."
Monday, November 16, 2009
Slim says, "I feel just like a new-born baby."
"Really? Like a new-born baby?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth and I think I just wet my pants."
Monday, November 9, 2009
"Ddddooo youuuu hhhave dddddildosss?"
The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing, replies: "Yes we do have dildos. Actually we carry many models."
The old woman then asks: "Dddddoooo yyyouuuu hhhave aaa pppinkk one, tttenn inchessss lllong aaandd aabboutt tttwoo inchesss thththiiickkk?"
The clerk responds, "Yes we do".
"Ccccccannnn yyyyouuuu tttelll mmmmeeee hhhhowwww ttttoooo ttturrrnnn ttthe ffffuucccckkkkinggg ttthingggg offffff?"
Monday, November 2, 2009
One day,the Mother Superior called in 3 teenage girls who were about to leave and seek their way in life.
"You have led a very sheltered life and you are going into an extremely sinful world." she said.
"I must warn you that men will take advantageof you. They'll do anything to get their way. They'll take you to restaurants, buy you drinks and dinner, then back to their apartments and motels where they'll undress you, do terrible things, give you twenty or thirty dollars and kick you out."
"Excuse me, Mother." one of the girls asked.
"You mean men will takeadvantage of us and give us cash?"
"Yes child, why do you ask?"
"Because the priests only give us candy!"
Monday, October 26, 2009
A gas station in Mississippi was trying to increase its sales, so the owner put up a sign saying, "Free Sex with Fill-Up."
Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for hisfree sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If heguessed correctly, he would get his free sex.The redneck then guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close.The number was 7. Sorry, no sex this time."
A week later, the same redneck, along with his buddy, Bubba, pulled infor a fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor againgave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. Theredneck guessed 2 this time. Again the proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 4. You were close, but no free sex this time."
As they were driving away, the redneck said to his buddy, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex."
Bubba replied, No it ain't, Billy Ray. It ain't rigged my wife won twice last week."
Monday, October 19, 2009
A young lad asked an old man how he became so rich.
The old man replied, "Well, son, it was 1932 and the depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel, so I invested it in an apple. I spent an entire day polishing that apple and at the end of the day, I sold it for a dime. So the next day I bought two apples. I polished them all day and sold them at the end of the day for two dimes. I continued doing this for a month, and by the end of that month, I had accumulated a total, minus expenses of course, of $4.00."
"And then what?" the lad asked.
"Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars!"
Monday, October 12, 2009
The fellow replies, "well I've got these two horses (sniff,sniff) , and well... I can't tell them apart. I don't know if I'm mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right foods."
The bartender, feeling sorry for the guy, tries to think of something he can do. "Why don't you try shaving the tail of one of the horses?"
The man stops crying and says, "that sounds like a good idea, I think I'll try it."
A few months later he comes back to the bar in worse condition than he was before. "What's the matter now?" the bartender asks.
The fellow, in no condition to be in public, answers, "I shaved the tail of one of the horses (sob, sob), but it grew back and I can't tell them apart again!"
The bartender, now just wanting him to shut up or leave says, "why don't you try shaving the mane, maybe that will not grow back."
The fellow stops crying, has a few drinks, and leaves. A few months later the fellow is back in the bar. The bartender has never seen anybody in this sorry of a state. Without the bartender even asking the fellow breaks into his problems.
"I.. I shaved the (sob) mane of one of the (sniff) horses, and... it... it... grew back!"
The bartender, now furious at the guy's general stupidity, yells, "for crying out loud, just measure the stupid horses. Perhaps one is slightly taller that the other one!"
The fellow can not believe what the bartender has said and storms out of the bar.
The next day the fellow comes running back into the bar as if he had just won the lottery. "It worked, it worked!" he exclaims. "I measured the horses and the black one is two inches taller than the white one!"
Monday, October 5, 2009
This fellow named Sam has been riding Harleys for 25 years and is finally sick of fixing 'em. He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Vermont - as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise, it's total peace and quiet.
After six months or so of almost total isolation, Sam is finishing dinner when someone knocks on his door. He opens it and there's a big, bearded Vermonter standing there.
"Name's Enoch...your neighbor from four miles over the ridge...havin' a party Saturday...thought you'd like to come."
"Great," Sam says, "after six months of this I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you.
As Enoch is leaving he stops. "Gotta warn you there's gonna be some drinkin'."
"Not a problem...after 25 years of Harley riding, I can do that with the best of them."
Again, as he starts to leave, Enoch stops. "More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin' too."
"Damn!" Sam thinks, "tough crowd...sounds like the Redwood Run."
"Well," he says, "I get along with people. I'll be there. Thanks again."
Once again Enoch turns from the door. "I've seen some wild sex at these parties too."
"Now that is not a problem," says Sam, "remember, I've been alone for six months. I'll definitely be there! By the way...what should I wear to the party?"
Enoch stops in the door again and says, "Whatever you want...it's just gonna be the two of us."
Monday, September 28, 2009
He glances to his left and sees the guy pissing, but there are two streams.
"What the hell is that?" he asks.
"War wound. I took a bullet in the penis in North Africa. They were able to save my dick but they had to leave two holes"
Then the guy looks to his right and sees. . . three streams !!!
"What the hell is that?"
"War wound. Germany, bullet in the penis, left three holes"
The two veterans then look over at the guy in the middle and see 12 streams!!
"Naah, my zipper's stuck"
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
A truck driver picks up a woman hitch hiker on the side of the road.He pulls over on the side of the road a few blocks down and the woman asks him what he is doing?
He asks her if she wants to have sex?
She says "I can't I'm on my period."
He says "That doesn't matter."
So they get in the back of the cab and he is eating her out.A police officer drives by and sees the truck rocking.So he gets out and knocks on the door of the truck.The truck driver opens the door and asks if he can help the officer.The officer asks him what he is doing?
He says liking his fingers "Eating Pizza!"
Friday, September 11, 2009
1 thing good to be in Melaka during weekdays is you can enjoy the food without queuing and the tourist crowd.
It's at the most original Chicken rice stall. Corner lot, old building. Sorry as i forgot the name.
I just walk in, take a seat, order, wait for 1~2 minute and food is served. The chicken is super smooth and tasty especially with its special dipping sauce which is spicy and sourish. Very satisfying meal.
As for dinner, well...nothing else than satay celup.
Monday, September 7, 2009
He has a bad case of gas and really needs to releive some pressure. Luckly, the family dog jumps up on the couch next to him.
He decides that he can let a little fart out and if anyone notices they will think that the dog did it.
He farts, and the woman yells, "Spot, get down from there."
The guy thinks, "Great, they think the dog did it."
He releases another fart, and the woman again yells for the dog to get down.
This goes on for a couple more farts.
Finally the woman yells, "Dammit Spot, get down before he shits on you."
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Friday, September 4, 2009
Chicken Chop - Well, Station 1 has definitely changed their menu to more western dishes. They recommend me to try their Chicken Chop. Well..its not bad for the price Rm12.90
This 3 layer tea...well..i've tried better ones. This is just a dissapointment.
Monday, August 31, 2009
HIS MOTHER THINKS HE HAS BEEN IN THERE TOO LONG, SO SHE GOES IN TO SEE WHAT'S UP.
THE LITTLE BOY IS GRIPPING ON TO THE TOILET SEAT WITH HIS LEFT HAND AND HITTING HIMSELF ON TOP OF THE HEAD WITH HIS RIGHT HAND.
HIS MOTHER SAYS: "BILLY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? YOU'VE BEEN IN HERE FOR A WHILE.
BILLY SAYS: "I'M FINE, MOMMY.. I JUST HAVEN'T GONE 'DOODY' YET."
MOTHER SAYS: "OK, YOU CAN STAY HERE A FEW MORE MINUTES. BUT, BILLY, WHY ARE YOU HITTING YOURSELF ON THE HEAD?"
BILLY SAYS: "WORKS FOR KETCHUP."
Monday, August 24, 2009
He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, ’You died in your sleep, Ralph..’
Ralph was stunned. ’I’m dead? No, I can’t be! I’ve got too much to live for. Send me back!’
St. Peter said, ’I’m sorry, but there’s only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken.’
Ralph was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home..
The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground.A rooster strolled past. ’
So, you’re the new hen, huh? How’s your first day here?’’
Not bad, replied Ralph the hen, but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I’m gonna explode!’’
You’re ovulating,’ explained the rooster. ’Don’t tell me you’ve never laid an egg before? ’’
Never,’ said Ralph.’Well, just relax and let it happen,’ says the rooster. ’
It’s no big deal.’
Ralph did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg!Ralph was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming.
As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife yell.....Ralph! Wake up you dirty bastard. You shit the bed!’
Monday, August 17, 2009
"Hi honey, this is Daddy, Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No Daddy, She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank."
"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door, and shout to Mommythat Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."
"Okay Daddy, just a minute."
A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone.
"I did it Daddy."
"And what happened honey?" he asked.
"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on thedresser and now she isn't moving at all!"
"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Frank?"
"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on too. He was all scared and hejumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead"
Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool, what swimming pool? Is this 937-2819?"
Monday, August 10, 2009
"Hmmm," says the Doctor, "I'd like to see that if possible." The ballerina get up, pirouettes and Phrrrt... farts loudly.
"That's amazing, do it again."
Again the pirouette is accompanied by a loud fart.
"Hmmm," says the Doctor.
"I think I may be able to help."
He bends downand picks up a long pole with a curious hook on the end.
The ballerina jumps back in alarm, "What are you going to do with that?"
"Open the window, it stinks in here for kripes sake."
Monday, August 3, 2009
A few minutes later the farmer exclaims, "We're ruined, all the money's gone and there's no flour for bread."
Then his daughter says, "No, papa, I hid the money in my U-know-what."
The farmer said, "You're a good girl, but if your mama was here she could have saved the sack of flour as well!"
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Hainan Chicken rice. Well, taste wise was just s0-s0. However, the way they present it is something special. As you can see, it's in the stainless steel food containers. I gave me a feel that its home-made food.
Can go try la. They offer alot more other types of otak otak. just that i like fish more.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Monday, July 27, 2009
Pilot - "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land ... it’s a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."
And, after landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as Hell everything has shifted."
From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don’t know how to operate one, you probably shouldn’t be out in public unsupervised.
In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more.
Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they’ll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."
"As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
"Last one off the plane must clean it."
And from the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry ...Unfortunately none of them are on this flight...!
Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and I know what ya’ll are thinking. I’m here to tell you it wasn’t the airline’s fault, it wasn’t the pilot’s fault, it wasn’t the flight attendants’ fault.....it was the asphalt!"
Another flight Attendant’s comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt up against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we’ll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.
Part of a Flight Attendant’s arrival announcement: "We’d like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And,the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you’ll think of us here at US Airways."
Monday, July 20, 2009
One day he could not stand it anymore. He decided to commit suicide. He got on an elevator and went to the top of a tall building to jump off. He was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man on the sidewalk below skipping along whistling and kicking up his heels.
He looked closer and noticed this man didn't have any arms at all.He started thinking, what am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself, I still have one good arm to do things with. There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk happy and going on with his life.
He hurried down and caught the man with no arms. He told him how glad he was to see him because he had lost one of his arms and felt ugly,useless and was going to kill himself. He thanked him again for saving his life and he now knew he could make it with one arm if that guy could do it with no arms.The man with no arms began dancing and whistling and kicking up hisheels again.
He asked "Why are you so happy anyway?"
He said "I'm NOT happy; my ass itches."
Monday, July 13, 2009
A guy found a magic lamp and naturally, rubbed it. The genie popped out and said, "I'll grant you any wish you want."The guy thought and thought and finally gave his answer.
"I want to be hard all the time and get all the ass I want."
"As you wish," the genie replied.
So, the genie turned him into a toilet seat.
Monday, July 6, 2009
The Worst Day Of My Entire Life
For more than an hour, a man sat at a bar staring into his glass.
Suddenly a burly truck driver sat down next to him, grabbed the guy's drink and gulped it down.The poor fellow burst into tears.
"Oh, come on, pal," the truckie said."I was just joking. Here I'll buy you another one."
"No, that's not it," the man blubbered. "This has been the worst day of my entire life.
This morning I was late for work and ended up getting fired.when I left the office I found my car had been stolen, so I had to walk ten kilometers home.Then I walked in and found my wife with another man, so I came here. And just when I'm about to end it all, You show up and drink my fucking Poison."
Monday, June 29, 2009
"You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."
"Great," says the frog,
"Will I meet her at a party?"
"No," said the psychic,
"Next year—in biology class."
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Tau Fu Fa...RM4
Its smooth as silk and the syrup has a hint of ginger. Good stuff.
Hak Lo Mai with Mango.
According to their menu, all mangoes are from Philippines. It's very fragrant and sweet. To me, this dessert taste abit akward to me as it doesnt really compliment each other. the taste doesnt match.
Durain pancake - RM9
This is a must try!! Very very nice.
Overall, everything is kinda ideal for their dessert but they tend to have too many choices with alot of different fruit mixtures for the same dessert.
Monday, June 22, 2009
The first has no arms.
The second no legs and the third has no body, just a head.
They all line up, the whistle blows and "splash" they're all in the pool
The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with no legs is closing fast. The head of course sank straight to the bottom.Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first.
He can still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool,so he decides he had better dive down to rescue him.He picks up the head, swims back up to the surface and places the head at the side of the pool, where-upon the head starts coughing and spluttering.
Eventually the head catches his breath and shouts... "Three years I've spent learning to swim with my f#cking ears, then two minutes before the whistle, some asshole puts a swimming cap on me!"
Friday, June 19, 2009
they also do come in a lot of different fillings. a lot of choices. no harm trying. lol
however, it's still a pau. so. it only taste best when eaten hot.
Monday, June 15, 2009
He waited and waited. 10 mins passed, Lift not up. He waited for another 10 mins and call the security uncle. S denotes security here.
A: Hello Uncle ah, have you send the lift up?
S: Yeah sent liao.
A: No leh I been waiting for 20 mins liao leh
S: No meh? okie okie I send again.
Another 5 minutes went by. No lift came up. The guy got worried. He's the last person to leave and there's no one around. He called the uncle on his handphone again.
A: Er... Uncle ah, you sure you sent the lift up?
S: Yeah I sent it up twice liao leh.
A: But I saw the lifts all on the first floor leh!
S: Aiyoh. Nevermind. I take the lift up and look for you.
Again, A waited. 5 minutes passed but none of the lift are moving. Then suddenly, his hp ring. The uncle voice was on the other side of the line sounding very weird.
S: Where are you? ! I am here. But I cannot find you.
All this while A was staring at the display of the lifts. All at level 1..... and the uncle is here.... shit something is not right. A straight away chiong to the stairs and dashed down the building... When he reached ground level, he chiong to the security counter and he found out that....
He had actually called the old security uncle in the building of his ex-company and not the security uncle of his new office -_- He work till siao liao and was damn blur. Feeling very pai seh, he also never call back to explain to the security uncle from the building of his ex-company.
Blur blur and poor uncle. He must be the one who actually freaked out going all the way up and saw no one there...hahaha
Moral of the story -please dun work till become like sotong...hehe. :P
Monday, June 8, 2009
The husband drove her out to a popular corner and informed her he would be at the side of the building if she had any questions or problems.
A gentleman pulled up shortly after and asked her how much to go all the way. She told him to wait a minute and ran around the corner to ask her husband.The husband told her to tell the client $100. She went back and informed the client at which he cried, "That's too much!" He then asked, "How much for a handjob?"
She asked him to wait a minute and ran to ask her husband how much.The husband said "Ask for $40." The woman ran back and informed the client. He felt that this was an agreeable price and began to remove his pants and underwear.
Upon the removal of his clothing the woman noticed that the man was very well hung.She asked him once more to wait a moment. She ran around the corner again at which her husband asked "Now what?"
The wife replied "Can I borrow $60?"
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
And the whole show kind of stuck to the formula of having to protect someone important. While I couldn’t say it shouldn’t be that way, after all this was what the series built on, but it just felt mundane. Towards the end, it was just a parade of cliches and hero gungho-ness.
Monday, June 1, 2009
The doctor hesitates for a minute. He finally looks up and says, "The only thing I can do is to sew your mouth shut and teach you to eat from your butt." The man agrees. He returns one week later to have the procedure.Six months pass and the patient returns to have the stitches out.
The doctor says, "Now return to me in 1 month for a post-op checkup." The patient agrees and leaves an astonishing 180 pounds.
One month later, the patient returns for his post-op checkup. As the patient sits down in the chair, the doctor notices the man is twitching his butt up and down. He lets it go and continues his examination.
After one hour of watching this man twitch his butt, the doctor can't take it anymore.He finally says, "Mr. Robertson. I have concluded that you have a nervous tick in your butt as a result of your operation."
The man thinks, laughs out loud, and says "Doc that ain't no twitch. I'm chewing gum. Wanna see me blow a bubble?"
Friday, May 29, 2009
The reboot came as a good time I guess. I got reintroduced to these beloved characters and the world. It was in fact very fun to watch. All the sci-fi, almost practical, fed into my dull brain there and then. The stark contrast of the species, Human and Vulcan, in truth, brought me to understand the love for the series. Human after all, are interesting. It was entertaining.
The acting was great as well. James T. Kirk the unblievable human and Spock the all too logical Vulcan, brought many smiles and moments to the show.
Monday, May 25, 2009
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"I'm praying for guidance," answered the young man.
"I'll take care of that," she replied. "You better pray for endurance."
Monday, May 18, 2009
An escaped convict, imprisoned for 1st degree murder, had spent years of his life sentence in prison. While on the run,he broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom.
He tied the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife on the bed. He got on the bed right over the woman, and it appeared that he was kissing her neck.Suddenly he got up and left the room.
As soon as possible the husband made his way across the room to his bride, his chair in tow, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw him kissing on your neck and then he left in a hurry. Just cooperate and do anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Whatever you do don't fight him or make him mad. Our lives depend on it. Be strong and I love you."
After spitting out the gag in her mouth, the half naked wife says: "Dear, I'm so relieved you feel that way. You're right,he hasn't seen a woman in years, but he wasn't kissing my neck... He was whispering in my ear. He said he thinks you're really cute and asked if we kept the Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong and I love you, too."
Monday, May 11, 2009
I did as he had instructed but the woman sitting next to me did not. A few moments later, our flight attendant came back and said to her:"Ma'am,perhaps you couldn't hear me over the big scary engine, but I asked you to please put up your tray so that the captain can land the plane."
She still wouldn't comply. Now he was getting angry and asked her again to put up the tray.She then calmly turned to him and said: "In my country, I am called a princess. I take orders from no one."
Our flight attendant replied: "Oh yeah? Well in MY country, I'm called a queen and I out rank you, bitch, so put the tray up!"
Monday, May 4, 2009
"Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?"
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Recognize this thingy?
How about this?
The table setting
3 different type of sauce.
Complimentary seaweed soup.
Started with Bibimbap - This is fantastic!!!Shared
BBQed Specail Pork. Must eat with the vege below. NICE!!!
BBQed Spicy Cuttlefish. JENG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lastly is the BBQed Chicken with Special Sauce.