Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Monday, August 25, 2008
Johnny was working at the fish plant in Carbonear when he accidentally cut off all ten of his fingers.
He went to the emergency room in St.John's and when he got there the doctor looked at Johnny and said "Let'shave da fingers and I'll see what I can do."
Johnny said, "I haven't got da fingers."
"What do you mean, you haven't got da fingers? Lord t'undrin Jesus it's 2008! We's got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put dem back on and made you like new! Why didn't you bring da fingers?"
Johnny says ... "How da fock was I suppose to pick dem up??
Friday, August 22, 2008
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
The event was successful. All the efforts are well repayed with satisfaction.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Monday, August 18, 2008
I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home.
Your Dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved.
I won't be able to send you the address because the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place even has a washing machine.
I'm not sure it works so well though.
Last week I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain.
We haven't seen them since.
I hope they come back soon,like I told your dad we shouldn't have to wear the same clothes more than a week.
About that coat you wanted me to send;your Uncle Billy Bob said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday.
We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.
Your sister had a baby this morning,but I haven't found out what it is yet, so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle.
Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whisky vat last week.
Some men tried to pull him out,but he fought them off and drowned.
We had him cremated.
He burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck.
Butch was driving.
He rolled down the window and swam to safety.
The other two were in the back.
They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.
There isn't much more news at this time.
Nothing much out of the normal has happened.
Your Favorite Aunt
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Monday, August 11, 2008
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know! The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.
Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps out of it and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the girl, and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem.However, I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll take charge.
If a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account.If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account. If it is twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"
At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You'll screw her again!"
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Saturday, August 2, 2008
After having to endure the smell for a moment or so she feels embarrassed so she pulls out a can of air freshener that she has just bought. She sprays it around and thinks that's that.
At the next floor, a man gets into the lift and looks rather uncomfortable as he continues to sniff.
"Is there something wrong?" says the woman.
"Yes," says the man. "It's the smell."
"What does it smell like?" she asks. "Air freshener?"
"No," he says. "It smells like somebody has shit in a pine tree."