Monday Jokes

A newly wed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, Although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.



So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back... "



"Where are you going, coochy cooh?" asked the wife.

"I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer. "

The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?"

She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.



The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, loolie loolie...but at the bar...you know...they have frozen glasses..."



He didn't get to finish the sentence, Because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, puppy face ?"

She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.



The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious...I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"



"You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?" She opened the oven and took out 15 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in a blanket, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc. "



But sweet honey... At the bar... You know... there's swearing, dirty words and all that ..."



"You want dirty words, Cutie pie?... LISTEN UP, DICKHEAD! DRINK YOUR F**KING BEER IN YOUR GOD-DAMN FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR MOTHERF**KING SNACKS, BECAUSE YOU AREN'T GOING NYWHERE! GOT IT, A**HOLE?" ....



And, they lived happily ever after.

Very the Long "Toblerone" Chocolate

She sure really know how to get ON & ON & ON & ON & ON ppl's nerve...........GERAM!!!!!!!!

Office Memo

TO: All Employees

FROM: Human Resources

SUBJECT: Foul Language

DATE: February 28, 2008



It has been brought to management's attention that individualsthroughout the company have been using foul language duringthe course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Dueto complaints received from employees who may be easilyoffended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.We do however, realize the critical importance of being ableto accurately express your feelings when communicating withco-workers.Therefore, a list of "TRY SAYING" new phrases has been providedso that the proper exchange of ideas and information cancontinue in an effective manner, without risk the of offendingour more sensitive employees.



TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.

INSTEAD OF: And when the fuck do you expect me to do this?



TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.

INSTEAD OF: No fucking way



TRY SAYING: Really?

INSTEAD OF: You've got to be shitting me!



TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...

INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a shit.



TRY SAYING: Of course I'm concerned.

INSTEAD OF: Ask me if I give a shit.



TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.

INSTEAD OF: It's not my fucking problem.



TRY SAYING: That's interesting.

INSTEAD OF: What the fuck?



TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.

INSTEAD OF: This shit won't work.



TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.

INSTEAD OF: Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?



TRY SAYING: Are you sure this is a problem?

INSTEAD OF: Who the hell cares?



TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.

INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his ass.



TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?

INSTEAD OF: Eat shit and die.



TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?

INSTEAD OF: Kiss my ass.



TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.

INSTEAD OF: Fuck it, I'm on salary.



TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.

INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your ass.



TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.

INSTEAD OF: This job sucks.



TRY SAYING: I see.

INSTEAD OF: Blow me.



TRY SAYING: Yes, we really should discuss it.

INSTEAD OF: Another fucking meeting!



TRY SAYING: I don't think this will be a problem.

INSTEAD OF: I really don't give a shit.



TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.

INSTEAD OF: He's a prick.



TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.

INSTEAD OF: She's a ball-busting bitch.



TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.

INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the fuck you're doing.



Thank You,

Human Resources

Giant Cadbury Chocolate

I cant believe my eyes!!!!!!!!!!
This is freaking BIG!!!!!!!!!!!!
Damn you!!!! I WANT ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday Jokes

A little boy was on the footpath, playing with shit.
A postman rode up and asked him what he was doing."I'm making a postman!" the kid declared.
Then a little old lady came up and asked him what he was doing.
The little boy replied, "I'm making a little old lady!"
The old lady was so disgusted that she went to the local cop shop and reported the little boy.
A short while later, a big policeman strolled down and approached the boy.
"G'day, little fella," he said. I know what you're doing - your making a policeman."
The little boy looked up at the cop and smiled.
"Fuck off!" he said. "I ain't got enough shit for that!"

Thai Express @ Pavilion

This was the interior of Thai Express at Pavilion. Just below GSC if you don't know where it is.
Not much of visitors...maybe its because of the odd hours.
Orange card anyone?
Green tea.

Coke Light..my fav.


Chicken Basil something....taste nice...but the chicken meat rather little.
Seafood Tomyam..!!!!!!!!!! NICE!!!

This is the co called Thai Chicken Rice...
The rice is fragrant....comes in claypot...with lots of ginger....

The chicken is nothing special...just like normal fried chicken....the rice saves the day.

Lots more other but will be back to try em again.

Alexis @ The Gardens

Yeap. Decided to spoil myself a little for working on a public holiday. Yesterday was Wesak Day and i'm stuck in the office where else everyone else is happily enjoying their holiday.

Just look at my Evil -grin....lol

Nice table setting huh...
Ice lemon Tea & Cranberry Soda
neat furnitures....
alexis Club sandwich....nice.....grill chicken, egg, avocado......yum yum...

Chicken escalope....well..this is just so so...nothing to shout about..
Cute little tomatoes...
The fries are great....crunchy

Yeah....Tiramisu for dessert.....

Sorry cos after having a few bites then only remember to snap this pic. lol.....over enjoying the food d.

Monday Jokes

Paul pays a visit to a gorgeous young prostitute.

After four hours ofexhausting great sex he says, "Now you won't see me for a while."

The prostitute regrets to see a good customer leave and asks, "Are you toobusy next week to pay me a visit?"

"No sweetie, that's not what I mean. Please turn around ... "

Big Mac Chant

“Two All-Beef Patties,
Special Sauce, Lettuce,
Cheese, Pickles, Onions
On A Sesame Seed Bun!”

Do it in 4 seconds!!!!!!!!!!!

THE 2008 DARWIN AWARDS

You've been waiting for them with bated breath, so without further ado here are the 2008 Darwin awards.

Eight Place

In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

Seventh Place

A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who 'totally zoned when he ran,'
accidentally, jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.

Sixth Place

While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom! When it t collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

Fifth Place

Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

Fourth Place

Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

Third Place

After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up! and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.

HONOURABLE MENTION

Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window was closed.

RUNNER UP

Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable, lay near by. They secured one end around Bingham's leg and then tied the other ! ;to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle.. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.

AND THE WINNER IS...

Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief.
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded.
The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr.
Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him.
It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves... 'Sh * t happens'

IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE FOR REMOVING THEMSELVES FROM THE GENE POOL

Water Heater, Dangerous (Warning)

Remember to check your home water heater and eelectrical appliances carefully before using em.

Monday Jokes

A blonde began a job as an Junior school counselor, and she was eager to help.

One day during break she noticed a boy standing byhimself on the side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of football at the other. Sandy approached and asked if he was alright. The boy said he was. A little while later,however, Sandy noticed the boy was in the samespot, still by himself.

Approaching again, Sandy said, "Would you like me to be your friend?" The boy hesitated, then said, "Okay", looking at the woman suspiciously. Feeling she was making progress, Sandy then asked "Why are you standing here all alone? Why don't you go and join those boys playing football over there?"

"Because," the little boy said with great exasperation,"I'm the bloody goalie."

Muffin Coklat BerCicak

what else more to say? Picture says it all.

Penang Chief Minister

Got this from an Email.

Friday, May 02, 2008

As Ning and I were lining up to board our flight to Penang on Wednesday afternoon, I spotted a familiar face standing in front of us in the queue.

So I whispered to Ning.

Me: Look in front of us. It's Guan Eng.
Ning: Who?
Me: YAB Mr. Lim Guan Eng, the Chief Minister of Penang.
Ning: No lah.
Me: Yes lah! I know how he looks lah. It's the CM lah.
Ning: Takkan CM jalan sorang sorang. If he's the CM, where's the bodyguards and the officers and the rombongan and kaum kerabat?
Me: Tak percaya? Watch and learn.
So I walked up to Yang Amat Berhormat, introduced myself and asked to take a picture. He smiled and obliged.
YAB CM: Hey, I know you! You're Ning Baizura!
Ning: YAB Lim, good afternoon.
YAB CM: Come, come, we take a picture. Vernon, here's my card. Email me the pictures OK.
Me: Definitely, sir.
Ambik kau. CM pun peminat katanya!

Ning and I really felt honoured. But we felt more surprised that the Chief Minister of a state was travelling all by himself like any normal rakyat jelata. But the biggest surprise in store for us was yet to come.

As usual, we sat in First Class. I expected the CM to be seated somewhere in front of us but then I realised he wasn't in First Class. Where did he disappear to???
I popped my head round the curtain that veils First Class and Economy Class and guess who I saw sitting in the front row seat of Economy quietly reading the newspapers?

YAB Mr. Lim, you have my deepest respect. You have made history by being the first Chief Minister in this country to sit in Economy Class whilst in office as Chief Minister. You really mean what you say when you talk about cost-cutting. Sir, you have shown me leadership by example.
Of course I asked permission to take his picture sitting in Economy and he laughed. And I said I'd blogged about it and he laughed some more, and gave permission. Ketua Menteri yang berjiwa rakyat.