Monday Jokes

The hospital's consulting dietician was giving a lecture to several community nurses from the Southampton area of Hampshire.'The rubbish we put into our stomachs and consume should have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.

Red meat is terrible. Fizzy drinks attack your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with msg. Vegetables can be disastrous because of fertilisers and pesticides and none of us realises the long-term damage being done by the rotten bacteria in our drinking water.

However, there is one food that is incredibly dangerous and we all have, or will, eat it at some time in our lives. Now, is anyone here able to tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?'

A 65-year-old nursing sister sitting in the front row stood up and said, 'Wedding cake.'

Monday Jokes

One morning in the office, a man mentions to a coworker that her hair smells nice today.

The woman suddenly grows enraged, storms into her supervisor’s office, and declares loudly that she’s quitting and has decided to file a sexual harassment suit.

“Come on,” says the supervisor.
“What’s wrong with a guy saying your hair smells nice?”

She says - “He’s a fucking midget!”