What is Happiness to You?

It is said that people who enter into long-term relationships are unhappy unlike the movies, which always depict a picture of happiness at the end of every romance. Pretty Woman, Sleepless in Seattle and Titanic, movies which portrayed moments of undying love.

Yeah, everyone would have experienced these moments. But these moments don’t last but do they?

I have met many friends who are married, both men and women. Most at best are miserable in their marriages. The people who are happy are those who are just dating or the ones having affairs.

Is this normal? Is this the new wave? I don’t really think it is the new wave by the way.Happiness is something very fleeting for me.

At best, my life is 10% very happy, 80% life as usual and 10% downright unhappy. Life as usual is like going to work, having a few laughs, hitting the pubs and just the normal day-to-day happiness. Very happy is like hitting the million dollar lottery (which will never happen as i don't even buy it), winning the girl you’ve been trying so hard to get and finally being successful in winning her, getting a promotion, getting a big raise and probably going for a month-long tour in some exotic place, fully paid meals and lodging.

Downright unhappy is like a close relative dying, being retrenched, having a car accident, etc, etc – I think you know what I mean. So, sometimes I am happy, most times I am having an okay day and occasionally I get a shitty day. Chatting with people I meet at the pub, sometimes listening to all these fucking sad stories kinda make me feel down initially.

After awhile, I spoke with a friend of mine and I said to him, “How’d ya handle listening to all these sad stories ya? Don’t it get to ya?”And he said to me, “Well, I just listen and then I pray for them and leave God to help them. I meet so many unhappy people each day and if I were to keep all their sadness in my heart, then I’d probably die of grief.”

Yeah, sometimes sadness or grief is good; that’s when we appreciate happiness more. I feel sad because of certain incidents, which have happened. Life ain’t easy sometimes, there are times when I feel so tired and I keep telling myself, “Things will get better. Hang on there!”And they do. In time, everything will work out. And it always does. In time.

I was very happy yesterday as the proposal that I have spent a full weeks time to actually wrap things up has finally been approved completey after a 5 hours intense meeting with the company Board of Directors.

While I'm struggling for the proposal, my mobile phone kept on receiving calls. (I've put in on silent mode but i can see it cos the screen lits up everytime it receives a call). In the end, i have 17 miss calls and 8 smses.

Upon checking all the smses, it only gives me 1 message. It's bad news. A bunch of old colleageues from my previous company informing me the death of Mdm. Lai. She's a very fine caring lady. I could still remember how lively her voice every morning when she sings in the pantry before the working hours. How kind of she to always give each and everyone of us (A&P Dept) a bowl of her special desserts. How she teached me to play mahjong and chinese stuffs. Those were the days.

After I left there for where I am now, news about her having cancer. It can't be cured. Her life has changed tremendously. She fought bravely and without regrets but deep down in her, there's the sadness that can't be told. I'm watching a life getting lifeless. Enough said. Cancer wins.

Life goes on.

Life is kinda ironic – fighting like cats and dogs when healthy but back to loving-kindness when death was knocking on the door.

Happiness??? What the hell is that?

May you rest in peace, Mdm. Lai.